


I'll be the one if you want me to

by alessandrablank



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage, and louis doesnt love eleanour, elounour in the beginning, endgame is larry, i'm not good at tagging stuff, idk this is just a little oneshot drabble thingy, so is louis family, the other boys are mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:36:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alessandrablank/pseuds/alessandrablank
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis left Harry because of the rumours and he's about to marry Eleanour when he hears someone singing in the backroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll be the one if you want me to

**Author's Note:**

> The song I used in the title and in the story is "say something" by "a great big world"  
> I wrote this at about 1 in the morning, so I'm sorry if there are mistakes

It’s supposed to be the best day of his life, Louis is standing in front of the altar, all dressed up, his family and all of his friends came for his and Eleanor's wedding.  
Only one person seems to be missing. He scans the crowd for him and he isn't there, he didn't really believe he would come, why would he? Louis wouldn’t have come either.

Louis left him when all the rumours and the talking got too much, he couldn't deal with the questions, wasn't ready. He was scared, scared of himself and his feelings and scared of the questions and the people.  
So he left.  
It did hurt, of course it did. He had been happy, if he didn’t let himself think too much. But it just wasn’t enough. Not for him at least.  
He remembers hearing the other boy crying, he knows he couldn’t sleep unless one of the others stayed with him. He didn’t look at Louis, didn’t speak to him for months.

Then he met a pretty girl and asked her out and of course management liked that very much. She was nice, easy to be around and even though he never really felt a connection he didn't say a word. She seemed to be happy and always excited and that was good enough.  
So when management asked him to propose to her, he did.  
In the beginning his mother didn’t believe him that he was alright. She didn’t believe that he genuinely liked the girl. She stopped asking after a while, though. He wanted to be a drama teacher after all, so nobody else asked questions.

And now he's standing in the church, at his own wedding and she is coming down the aisle.  
He has tears in his eyes and his chest hurts, but it has nothing to do with happiness, it hurts to remember how he looked at Louis when he said goodbye, it hurts to remember the broken look in his eyes and how he wouldn't speak to him for weeks, how they never got that close again and he knows that he misses him.  
Every inch of his body hurts, because he didn't come and he's still hurt and it's Louis' fault.

He thinks his brain might be playing tricks at him, but he's sure he can hear someone singing in the backroom of the church, a piano played. The organ gets to a more quiet part and now he's sure there is someone singing.

_I'll be the one if you want me to,_   
_anywhere I would've followed you_

He knows that voice, he's heard it so many times before. It’s the voice that sang him to sleep when he wasn’t feeling good, the voice he heard so many mornings from the other side of the flat. This voice feels like home and it’s the only thing he never lost completely. He has to close his eyes and concentrate to stop himself from crying or running away or just breaking down.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you and I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

It's him, of course it is.

And suddenly Eleanor is standing next to him and he can’t breathe. Not because she’s so beautiful, but because all of the memories are there. He can’t think properly, doesn’t see what is right in front of him, he can barely breathe, because his chest is so tight and it hurts.

So when the priest asks “Do you, Louis Tomlinson, want to take Eleanor as your wife and love and honour her, in good times as in bad, until the day you die?” all he can hear is

_And I will swallow my pride_   
_You're the one that I love_   
_And I'm saying goodbye_   
_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

In that moment it’s like he wakes up, is aware where he is again. It’s wrong, he can’t stay. He can’t take it anymore, can’t hold it in. He can hear himself say “No, no I can't.” before he turns around and runs.

He runs out of the church, faint voices calling after him, he thinks he recognises Zayn, but it doesn't matter. He runs down the street and runs and runs until he can’t feel his legs and his lungs are on fire.

He finds himself at their place, they always used to come here together, it’s hidden, the path hasn't been used for years and the bench is close to falling to pieces, but it was their secret spot, a safe place, nobody else knew about.  
He never came here alone and he hasn’t been there for years, but it’s still the same.

He falls to the ground and cries.  
He can’t think, all he can do is feel, and he feels lost and hurt, he's scared because his heart is screaming for the other boy.  
Louis knows he loves him, knew it all along somewhere deep inside and he knows he ruined every chance there was, but he's so scared. He lies there for what might be hours, doesn’t open his eyes, stays there as small as he can be.  
He can’t cry anymore, all tears have gone so now he's just a mixture of fear, love, and pain.

His chest feels tight and he can’t breathe properly, there's just too much inside of him that he kept there locked up. And now it’s like somebody opened the door and everything is coming back and it’s a lot, too much.

******

In the backroom of the church there's a boy staring blankly at the piano in front of him. “What have I done” is all he can think.  
He can hear all the people outside, he heard Louis saying “No” and he doesn't know why he came or why he did this, but he shouldn't have.  
His body moves without thoughts, stands up and leaves through the backdoor.  
He walks and his mind knows this way, he wants to stop, he knows it’s the wrong place to be right now, but his feet just move.  
He doesn’t even need to look for the hidden path, his feet just find it, it's like they never forgot, like they never left at all.

He stops when he sees Louis, curled up, tiny on the ground. He stops moving, stops breathing. He doesn’t know what to do, he's hurt everybody enough, he thinks, but he doesn’t go, his body won't listen to him.

******

Louis heard something behind him, but he doesn’t acknowledge it, doesn’t turn around.  
‘Go away’ he thinks, he doesn’t say it though, doesn’t trust his voice.  
He knows that it's probably him, who else should’ve found this place?  
He doesn’t know what to do about it though, his heart wants him to turn around and fall into his arms, his heart is love and missing and hope.  
But his mind wants the other boy to go away, pain and fear and hate (for himself, he could never hate him).

He lets go, lets his eyes close and body go loose, he thinks he can hear himself whisper

“Harry...”

******

“Harry...”

That’s all it takes and he's on his knees, shaking, no control over his body.  
He starts crying, he wants to stop, to run, everything about this feels so wrong, but he can’t do anything.

Somehow they find each other, somehow they end up in each other's arms, still on the ground, but it feels better.  
It still hurts, but it's like something slots together, they still fit like two pieces.  
They haven't been this close for years now and the feelings haven't gone away. It feels so familiar, safe and just right. It feels like this is the only way they should be, together.

“I'm sorry Lou, I shouldn't have…  
I love you Lou, I'm sorry”

He doesn’t know if he said it out loud or if his voice works at all, but that’s everything on his mind right now.

Nothing is said for a long time, just two bodies holding each other, afraid to let go.

“I…” Louis' voice is barely there at this point “I love you” he somehow gets out “don't go”

And Harry doesn’t go, he could never go, it’s been years and nothing changed. He needs Louis, it’s like he’s a part of him and he doesn’t understand how he lived without that part.  
He would run around the world for Louis, he can’t help it.

They stay there until it gets dark, they don't move an inch, they need each other more than anything else. Harry would rather live without air than without Louis at this point.

When Louis begins to shiver from the cold Harry just picks him up and carries him, it's all he can do for Louis and for himself right now.

He carries him all the way back to his home, the place he grew up, because he needs somewhere safe and warm and familiar.  
His feet hurt when he knocks on the door, Jay doesn’t ask questions when she opens. She seems to be relieved to see her son, it is obvious that she cried.

Nobody says a word, Louis is asleep in Harry's arms by now, curled up against his chest.  
Harry doesn’t know if he should leave, if Louis would want to see him, but he stays, he's so far gone, so he just lies down next to Louis in his room and falls asleep, exhausted, but with Louis by his side.  
He thinks that maybe it will be okay.

******

They stay in Doncaster for weeks, barely leave the house.

Louis is still scared, but he admits that he loves Harry and Harry understands, he doesn’t let Louis run away again, whenever he sees the fear in his eyes he just holds him until he can breathe again, because that’s what Louis needs.

They both turned their phones off and none of them answer the door.  
Jay told the other boys that they’re safe and that they need time.  
There’s a lot of silence, unspoken words that are just understood and there’s a lot of talking. It takes time, but they learn so much about each other and it helps.  
They think that as long as they’re together they can make it okay.

******

Months have passed and Louis got more confident, rarely scared anymore.

But now he is scared, he was safe for that time, Harry was always there to protect him.  
But Harry can’t protect him from millions of people without faces, from the looks and the comments they’ll get.

He might be scared, scared as hell, but he knows that he loves Harry so much more than he is scared, so he focuses on that instead.

And when Harry doesn’t let go of his hand as they leave the building he holds on because he trusts Harry and because they can be strong together.  
That evening Harry takes his phone away and turns it off, so Louis won’t look.  
He tells Louis that he is important and that he needs him and that it will be okay.  
Louis is scared, but he believes him.

******

Years later Louis isn't scared anymore, he's standing at the same church again and this time he smiles and he says yes and he cries, this time he's in Harry's arms and Harry's lips are on his and all he can think is ‘Harry Harry Harry’.  
His chest hurts, but it’s a good feeling, it hurts because there is so much love and he feels so safe, he can see his family, all his little sisters, and he can see the boys and everyone in the church is smiling.

He is more than okay, he is happy, both of them are happy and that’s all that matters.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this  
> My tumblr is 17beanies, come and tell me how shit my story was


End file.
